Its a many smashing time of a year. Just ask anybody. Oh, theyll tell you. Over as good as over as good as over again. On a radio, theyve been pulsation it in to a heads ever since Nov 1st. Thats when a lot of stations went 24/7 Christmas. And every single one of them went 24/7 Christmas ads nauseum. A sixth of a year. Longer than a lifespan of 4 generations of drone ants. More long than an entire Minneapolis summer. Double a playoff contention generation of a Detroit Lions.
The problem is, this particular many smashing time of a year is proof to be a bit reduction than. More similar to a many semi- smashing time of a year or a many not too bad time of a year. Mainly because people similar to we as good as me (mostly you) selfishly refuse to stop fussy as good as go out there as good as do their patriotic duty by sinking deeply in to debt to respect a bieing born of which Jewish hippie kid by buying some-more things than anybody in their right mind unequivocally needs. The worst holiday season in new memory. Except for final year. So, things have been looking up. But its an odd up.
It is fair to contend which a good many of us have been not going to find everything we instruct underneath a tree. So, making certain which we dont throw a perfectly good premise out with a monetary bath water, let me suggest up my annual scathingly incisive yet curiously refreshing, WILL DUR$T$ 2009 XMA$ GIFT WI$H LI$T. These have been a presents which folks may not embrace wrapped up with bows this year but certainly deserve.
For Bernie Madoff. A sudden illness which causes him to die peacefully in his sleep.
For Joe Biden. Since his foot spends so most time in his mouth, packet flavored shoelaces.
For Tiger Woods. A marriage mulligan.
For Hall & Oates. Another 500 or so casinos in Las Vegas so Cirque du Soleil eventually gets around to you do a uncover formed upon them.
For Barack Obama. A reset switch for his Presidency.
! ;For Sar ah Palins Publisher. More most appropriate sellers targeted to people who dont read. Maybe an audio book for a deaf division. Cookbooks for Supermodels.
For a US Economy. A bit some-more impulse to crow which total impulse thing in to action.
For a Mitt Romney as good as a Rest of a Republican National Committee Looking at 2012. Something else upon Sarah. Then again, may be a Mayans were right.
For Newspaper Headline Writers Everywhere. Something else to write alternative than Recession Appears to be Over.
For Mexican President Calderon. A wall upon a border to control a immigration.
For a Imposters Who Crashed a White House. An endorsement understanding with Butterfingers.
For a Democrats in Congress. A years supply of total milk to put a little calcium in to their spine.
For Medical Science to Study. Dick Cheneys heart. George Bushs brain. And Howard Dean's mouth.
For Granny. Someone to ask, if may be she might not similar to her block to be pulled.
For Those 3 Hikers Facing Trial in Iran. Bill Clintons attention.
For Glenn Beck. A one way ticket upon a idea train.
For South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. See Tiger Woods.
For Joe Lieberman. A diamond-studded collar to befit his in front of as GOP lap dog.
The State of Texas. A time out, so they stop executing people with IQs of 62. And stop electing them governor as well.
See some-more stories tagged with: will durst, christmas, instruct list
Will Durst is a domestic comic, syndicated columnist, AM air wave speak uncover host as good as invulnerability liability.
Liked this story? Get top stories in your inbox any week from AlterNet! Sign up now
Five Filters featured article: Chilcot Inquiry. Available tools: PDF Newspaper, Full Text RSS, Term Extraction.
0 comments:
Post a Comment